The Dealmaker

A week after we got Polka home, I was looking at her - trying to understand what she must be thinking - and I guess she was doing the same. Suddenly her quizzical expression changed and she looked at me as if to say something and that particular look reminded me of my grandma.

My grandma was in India. It was almost 10 months since she was bedridden. Polka didn't even exist then! Some days it was better and some days it was worse. I had gone to see her 6 months back. She seemed small and fragile but was attentive and happy to see me - 'You better have kids soon. I will not die before that'   I responded, 'Sure! Its a deal. You are not going anywhere in that case as I don't plan to have any'. Its fun to watch her expressions when I say things that are 'outrageous' !

We usually discuss on the happenings in the family - what each one of us is or rather should be doing - the younger ones should be studying, the unmarried ones should be looking for the right partner and the married ones need to make babies.. But this time it was different. She wanted to talk about her life, her past, her unhappiness. I'd never heard my grandma frustrated or disgruntled other than the occasional complaint about the maid or the food. It must have been the illness .. She talked incessantly about the unhappy times.  The verbal abuse her mother had to endure from her grandfather, the sickness and curses that killed her mom when she was 7, her marriage at the age of 8, the hard life and the expectations from the new bride, the uncles and aunts who were looking out for their own good, the inconsiderate neighbours, her daughter who had to work on the farm, the black soot from all the cooking, the dark evenings... Her voice changed, her language changed; she was remembering the events vividly and re-living them. The picture I had painted in my mind was quite different - the mango trees, the quaint house, the friendly neighbours, the well where her sons went swimming, the fresh village air, the real taste of 'zunka -bhakri' - it was all gone. I could only see a small girl longing for a childhood she never had; conflicts she never could resolve; a closure that she so desperately wanted.

She became irritable and screamed at everyone who tried to help. Nothing could calm her mind. The illness, the smell of medicines, the attendants, the bedridden existence, the helplessness - it all made it worse. She became stubborn and didn't wish to listen to what we thought was 'reason'.  Everyone was prepared for the inevitable including me. As her condition deteriorated, I was hoping she'd die sooner than suffer a prolonged, miserable, death. 

I looked at Polka - she continued looking at me in that peculiar way. I was trying to hold on to that moment - to get some clarity - when the phone rang. My grandma had passed away.

My grandma! She'd dance so that I would eat one more bite and sing the weirdest village songs. She'd walk softly to spy on the maids so that her heavy anklets didn't give her away. She'd let me teach her how to write her name and would give me 'ladoos' for not failing any subjects. She'd proudly proclaim to anyone ready to listen - 'my granddaughter works in America!'. She'd wear the Wallmart slippers I'd got for her only on 'special' occasions and would circle a broom around me to keep the evil spirits away. She loved all of us grand-kids equally and loved me a little more!

I did not cry that day. I was blank and numb. I tried to make sense. I knew this was going to happen and had even wished for her suffering to end. But somewhere in the back of my mind I was hoping for her to get better, stronger, laugh once more and then bid farewell on a high, healthy note. I reasoned - she was a fighter and had a desire to live - she had let go on her own terms.

A week later, I noticed Polka looking with that same peculiar look and I thought to myself  -  that's the dealmaker - Polka was my baby! And then the tears wouldn't stop.

To kill a mocking bird!

Everyday I go for my walks in the evenings.  Its not at regular times and its hard for me to plan my day but what can I expect from her. She has no discipline, no structure! She does not even wear a watch! But I digress - I will leave that for another day.

We usually walk in front of our house. Its a nice, huge green lawn in the middle of the city. I walk in the grass, look around, say hello to unsuspecting strangers and try to chase the birds. It was wonderful - till recently ...

A small black bird has decided to make my lawn his home. He perches himself atop the trees and awaits my arrival.  Every time I step into the lawn, the tiny bird glides from one tree to another and into the open lawn. He soars high up in the sky and dives low to the ground. He flaps his wings and circles in the air over and over again and goads me. I pull and tug at the leash as I watch his every movement, every flap, every turn. My heart beats faster and I start panting harder. I growl in frustration and stare in anticipation of a fall. But the dance continues! The black bird flies away and comes threateningly close; and twitters and sings and mocks me - 'Come get me!'

Aah what a pleasure it would be to kill the mocking bird!

'FUR'IOUS !!!

My understanding of the fur trade was shaped largely by PETA's sensational  'I'd rather go naked than wear fur' ads.  I'd spent as much time admiring the models as I'd spent pondering about the animal killings. If all the folks, especially the guys out there, were doing the same, I think PETA definitely succeeded in raising awareness.

I don't wear fur and I never gave the fur trade much thought - till recently. I was forwarded this disturbing video on the dog fur trade. It was horrible to see dogs and cats been mistreated and skinned alive.  That's when it hit home.  Dogs ? Fur ? Really ? For me, mink coats, leather items , 'medicines' meant seals, foxes, crocodiles. elephants, tigers, rhinos - wild, exotic animals.. However deplorable these killings are, they happen in far away places - in the cold waters of Alaska or the jungles of Africa.  Poachers, hunting traps and custom crackdowns are almost out of a movie scene. But dogs and cats - these are domestic animals, man's best friend! This is very close to home and very close to my heart. I am furious. It's disgusting and sad. Are we really capable of this level of cruelty ?

I wouldn't want this kind of fate to befall anyone - even the people brutally skinning alive helpless creatures. After all, in all likelihood they're just trying to survive. It's because of demand and supply, because of glamorizing and branding and because of me and maybe even you.  Aren't we responsible for being unaware, for being complacent, for patronizing these products and companies?  I have to do something, get active but before that I have this sudden urge to give a tight hug to my dear Polka!

To (Ba)Be or not to (Ba)Be

After Polka arrived, there has been a lot more vocal interest in our family life. 'So what about a baby? ' 'Now that you take care of Polka, you are equipped to take care of your own' 'Your biological clock is ticking!' 'whats wrong with you - raising a dog instead of your own kid??' I used to be ready with a canned but honest reply 'I don't feel the need to have a baby.' But this is usually followed by 'Hmm.. Is there a medical problem?'

One of the most common comment I get is 'You will be a wonderful mom!' Now, I agree that makes me feel good. I am affectionate. loving and full of infinite wisdom :) I wish I could retort, 'I also have a good body maybe I should become a stripper?'  (Note to self: Join a gym)

Its hard for most people to fathom that some us don't want/need kids. Most of my family and friends mean well and do believe that a baby is necessary to feel 'complete'. How can one say no to an experience of a life time, unconditional love, the support for old age, mid life crisis, maternal instinct, peer pressure or atleast the need to propagate one's genes?

For me, its hard to fathom that people would want to have kids for these reasons. I believe if you are having kids for any reason other than maybe maternal/paternal instincts you should not be having one. Those genes need to go nowhere. Get a life or better still get a dog!

With a 6 billion and bulging population, more than half the world below the poverty line, life expectancy rates moving upwards, the doom and gloom about climate change - do we really need another small, cute, tiny little baby to occupy space on this planet?

Evidently we do. Because there's a baby born every second or so.. I don't understand this urge to have your own when they are so many out there who need a home. Nature will balance it for sure but it won't be pretty. Like dinosaurs, one day we might be extinct too. The universe is expanding and soon might go up in flames. Why not make it better for everyone today? right now?

Be it pets or kids - why not adopt?